Desires
by Cut-Wrist Kate
Summary: Draco shares his thoughts on one Harry Potter. Haiko Character Death, selfmutilation.


**Desires**

I remember watching him from across the hall. I could see what his friends didn't. I saw him start eating less and less; I saw his laughter and smiles slowly become put on and fake. I saw the happiness in his eyes slowly dull to a lifeless hallow hole. I saw his clothes become more and more baggy as his hair grew to hide his face. I saw his friends slowly start talking amongst themselves more and begin to leave him out of the conversation.

I watched as he progressively began sitting father away from the group until he was completely alone in his small corner. I also saw when he started wearing long sleeves every day and how he would flinch if you came to close to his arms. I saw all of this without anyone noticing. The other things I noticed were not in him, but in myself. I had begun to slowly start caring more and more about what he was doing to himself, wishing he would eat more. I also noticed that as the years went by since I began watching him in fourth year my feelings for him grew and grew until I could no longer deny it. I was in love with him.

Unfortunately, I could not act upon those feelings; at least I could have his tolerance if I couldn't have his love. I had somehow managed to dissolve the animosity between us and allow us to live together in peace. I was going to try and keep him as far away from me as possible because I knew that if Father caught wind of a rumor that I was in love with his or even simply friends with his he would use it against me and use me to get to him.

I wasn't in a position of power as all those around me thought. I was simply a slave about to be put into slavery for someone else. My father had decided that since this was my last year at Hogwarts I was ready to get the Dark Mark. I was to get it over Christmas. So I decided to live every day like it was my last because in my opinion after Christmas my life was over and someone else's life was taking control. All I could do was enjoy every moment of moderate freedom I had left.

On the eve of my initiation, as I had many nights before, I decided to walk around the castle to help me sort out my thoughts before I went to bed. As I was wandering aimlessly, walking down corridors in no particular order, up more flights of stairs than I could count then back down those same stairs only to begin again, I stumbled across a door to a room that was, if my memory was correct, always locked when I tried. But tonight, as if through some sort of fate, it was ajar. I being the slightly curious person I was slowly pushed it farther open until I had a nice view of the room.

What I saw however is a memory I have been trying to forget for God knows how long. I saw the object of my desires lying on the ground locked within a strangely compelling and beautiful aura of blood. What's even more disturbing is the fact that it was his blood that was still slowly leaking from two long gashes running up his arms. The damnable blade that had caused my love this damage was laying a couple of feet away, almost as if he had tossed it away when he had finished creating the deadly marks. The way he was laying, the look on his face was almost…peaceful.

He was laying on his back, his beautiful raven hair fanned out behind him, his glasses were nowhere to be found, his eyes closed and a small satisfied smile on his face. His arms lay at his sides, palms up as if trying to display to the world the beauty he was capable of. 

I knew from my observations of him that to try and save him would only strengthen his resolve. Instead I did what I knew he would have wanted me to do. I walked slowly forward and knelt by his head where I wouldn't disturb the blood. I then used magic to trim his nails, and remove all of the knots from his hair without actually touching him. I then changed his clothes to a black sweater and dress pants that actually fit him. Then I rose and walked from the room. I stopped at the door and turned back to look at his beautiful face one last time before I was condemned to my life of murder, torture and horror.

A/N: I don't know were this came from. I was watching CSI and this hit me. I jumped up and ran around yelling "paper! Pen!" Until I realized I had paper in my pocket and I charged at my dad and grabbed the pencil stuck behind his ear and wrote this down. I like it even though it's kind of short. Review.  
Kate


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